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A Tale of Two Skunks

Or... The Skunk and the social worker...


Ever since we decided to grow Sunflowers in our field, we've had woodchuck problems. And to better understand this story, you should read "The 30 Foot Woodchuck" before you go on...

Last year when we lost our first field of Sunflowers to the woodchuck we figured we had to dispatch the critter as soon as possible. We really didn't want to shoot him, mostly because some real smart people went and built a house right next to our field and they might not understand shotguns going off so close to their brand new home... So we bought one of those fancy "Have-a-heart" traps.

Trapping this woodchuck turned out to be easier than we thought. A little fruit in the trap and he squeezed his way right in the font door. Off he went to some real nice state land, creek and all... His story continues in the "30 Foot Woodchuck" unfortunately...

So, what does this have to do with the two skunks? Well, after we got rid of him we thought we better keep that trap set for a while because we just didn't believe that a single woodchuck could eat so many plants.

Now before I go any further I have to mention that Mama and I have been trying to adopt through our local county DSS for quite a while now. And believe me when I say that's another whole story in itself because they just plain don't do adoption and go so far as even to break State and Federal laws to prevent the adoption of minority children into the county. Gotta keep the county pure & white after all... But I'll tell that story some other time... When you try to adopt you have to go through a truly tedious and unbelievably intrusive "homestudy" process where they invade your home on several occasions and interrogate you on all kinds of things that have absolutely nothing to do with the adoption process or a good loving home for children in need...

So to set this up a bit, we're getting ready for one of these scheduled visits from the "social worker", so called because they have no degree or formal training in the field and are simply civil servants doing a job (and badly at that!)! And we have this nice set up trap out in the field waiting for another woodchuck to waddle into. And anyone that knows me knows that every day I go for a walk around that field with the dog about lunch time.

Here we go for our walk as usual. Just me and my dog havin a wonderful day walkin around the field. Then the dog goes crazy and races over to the trap. I figure "great, got that second woodchuck!", until I see the dog take a flying leap backwards and yelpin like she stuck her nose into a camp fire. Since I didn't see anything chasin her, I figured it was somethin in the trap, so I walk over nice and slow. Yep, you guessed it. There's a big old skunk sittin there. Or actually not "sittin" cause his rear end was facin us and raised way up in the air. You better believe that I stopped dead in my tracks and started backin up real quick, just in time to see that spray not quite make it to me... The dog wasn't so lucky...

Now what to do? We got this social worker comin the next day and you could smell the dog into the next county. The skunk was safely held in the trap so there was nothin to worry about there.

Let me tell you one thing right off the bat. Those people who say any mixture of vinegar will take out that skunk smell just never ran into one themselves! I tried the vinegar mixes, soap mixes, nothin worked... Then I remembered the tomato juice 'remedy'. I searched all over for tomato-anything. Just when I was ready to give up and try ketchup, I finally found a can of tomato puree. Now you can hear it from me too. Tomato juice works like magic. I just rubbed that poor old dog down from head to toe and in a minute the skunk smell was gone completely. Unfortunately she now smelled like a giant furry tomato, but that washed out with plain water.

By this time Mama had come home. Sure, she missed that sweet smellin dog but I told her all about it. Then she brought up the point that we had this social worker comin the next day and what to do about this skunk???

She decided to call the local DEC office and ask for their help. I went up the field to check on the skunk and try to figure out how to either let him go or transport him someplace else. I was all the way up by the skunk and I could still hear the laughter coming over that phone from the DEC man! Needless to say, they didn't have any suggestions... But the skunk was doin just fine...

Now just in case anyone else out there is fool enough to find themselves in a similar situation, I'll let you know how this all worked out...

I found a nice old plastic table cloth and tossed it over that trap. I'll bet the skunk wasn't too happy at all when he sprayed and it all bounced right back at him! And inside that little plastic 'tent' too. Kinda like lettin one go while you're in an elevator ;-)

We still couldn't figure out how to dispose of the little stinker before the social worker was due to arrive, so we just had to leave him up there all snuggled up inside his little plastic tent for a day. We had our visit with the social worker, fed her some good home made coffee cake, was miserably interrogated with a lot of senseless prying questions and sighed in relief when she left, taking the rest of the coffee cake with her...

That next morning I walked up the field to the skunk and at least found him alive. Maybe not in too good shape or mood, but that's his own fault for sprayin himself like that! And then I figured out a plan...

I came back down to the house and put on an old rain suit. Rubber boots & gloves and hat to match. Grabbed a 100 foot of heavy string and walked back up to the skunk. Lucky for me that Mama wasn't there to get a picture cause I must have looked a sight...

I rolled back that plastic just enough to get to the door mechanism of the trap. Luckily the door is solid metal cause that stupid skunk tried sprayin again... I managed to tie the rope to the door and strung it through the top of the trap. With the door unlatched, if the rope was pulled the door should open. Since the door is now unlatched, I _run_ 100 foot away behind the trap and give that rope a good yank... Don't see any skunk.... Still don't see any skunk.... So I walk back over to the trap figurin for sure that little bugger would get me this time. Nope, the door didn't open. Wrong angle on the string and I can't figure out how to get it right without partially opening the door first....

So I sat there for a minute and then decided the best thing to do was have a little conversation with the skunk. I explained to him why the trap was there and that I never meant to catch him. Told him how sorry I was that he was stuck there a whole day while we had to cater to the social worker. Then I explained my plan to let him go. I told him I was going to lift up the door just a little bit, then run back that 100 feet and pull the string to open it all the way so he could get out. Asked him real nice to leave in _that_ direction so we wouldn't have to worry about crossin paths... He seems agreeable and even calmed down quite a bit. I figure he was either relieved to have someone to talk to or just felt sorry for us about the social worker?

I set the plan into action, not entirely trusting that little skunk... Pried open the door with a small stick, ran the 100 feet, pulled the string and waited for the skunk... And waited for the skunk... And there he was! He cautiously came out of the trap, stood up a bit and looked around. And I'd swear he gave a little wave before he walked off in _that_ direction. And I gave a little wave back and wished him luck. He was actually kinda cute once you got to know him... But that poor trap and plastic table cloth had to stay out there in the field for a year before you could get within 3 foot of them!

Oh, now I did start this out by mentioning two skunks, didn't I? What about that second skunk? Well, she went back to her office and wrote up a whole bunch of lies about us that we still haven't settled out to this day. I wonder which skunk smells the worse???


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