Or... The Skunk and the social worker...
Ever since we decided to grow Sunflowers in
our field, we've had woodchuck problems. And to better understand this story,
you should read "The 30 Foot Woodchuck" before you go on...
Last year when we lost our first field of Sunflowers to the woodchuck we figured
we had to dispatch the critter as soon as possible. We really didn't want to
shoot him, mostly because some real smart people went and built a house right
next to our field and they might not understand shotguns going off so close
to their brand new home... So we bought one of those fancy "Have-a-heart"
traps.
Trapping this woodchuck turned out to be easier than we thought. A little fruit
in the trap and he squeezed his way right in the font door. Off he went to some
real nice state land, creek and all... His story continues in the "30 Foot
Woodchuck" unfortunately...
So, what does this have to do with the two skunks? Well, after we got rid of
him we thought we better keep that trap set for a while because we just didn't
believe that a single woodchuck could eat so many plants.
Now before I go any further I have to mention that Mama and I have been trying
to adopt through our local county DSS for quite a while now. And believe me
when I say that's another whole story in itself because they just plain don't
do adoption and go so far as even to break State and Federal laws to prevent
the adoption of minority children into the county. Gotta keep the county pure
& white after all... But I'll tell that story some other time... When you
try to adopt you have to go through a truly tedious and unbelievably intrusive
"homestudy" process where they invade your home on several occasions
and interrogate you on all kinds of things that have absolutely nothing to do
with the adoption process or a good loving home for children in need...
So to set this up a bit, we're getting ready for one of these scheduled visits
from the "social worker", so called because they have no degree or
formal training in the field and are simply civil servants doing a job (and
badly at that!)! And we have this nice set up trap out in the field waiting
for another woodchuck to waddle into. And anyone that knows me knows that every
day I go for a walk around that field with the dog about lunch time.
Here we go for our walk as usual. Just me and my dog havin a wonderful day walkin
around the field. Then the dog goes crazy and races over to the trap. I figure
"great, got that second woodchuck!", until I see the dog take a flying
leap backwards and yelpin like she stuck her nose into a camp fire. Since I
didn't see anything chasin her, I figured it was somethin in the trap, so I
walk over nice and slow. Yep, you guessed it. There's a big old skunk sittin
there. Or actually not "sittin" cause his rear end was facin us and
raised way up in the air. You better believe that I stopped dead in my tracks
and started backin up real quick, just in time to see that spray not quite make
it to me... The dog wasn't so lucky...
Now what to do? We got this social worker comin the next day and you could smell
the dog into the next county. The skunk was safely held in the trap so there
was nothin to worry about there.
Let me tell you one thing right off the bat. Those people who say any mixture
of vinegar will take out that skunk smell just never ran into one themselves!
I tried the vinegar mixes, soap mixes, nothin worked... Then I remembered the
tomato juice 'remedy'. I searched all over for tomato-anything. Just when I
was ready to give up and try ketchup, I finally found a can of tomato puree.
Now you can hear it from me too. Tomato juice works like magic. I just rubbed
that poor old dog down from head to toe and in a minute the skunk smell was
gone completely. Unfortunately she now smelled like a giant furry tomato, but
that washed out with plain water.
By this time Mama had come home. Sure, she missed that sweet smellin dog but
I told her all about it. Then she brought up the point that we had this social
worker comin the next day and what to do about this skunk???
She decided to call the local DEC office and ask for their help. I went up the
field to check on the skunk and try to figure out how to either let him go or
transport him someplace else. I was all the way up by the skunk and I could
still hear the laughter coming over that phone from the DEC man! Needless to
say, they didn't have any suggestions... But the skunk was doin just fine...
Now just in case anyone else out there is fool enough to find themselves in
a similar situation, I'll let you know how this all worked out...
I found a nice old plastic table cloth and tossed it over that trap. I'll bet
the skunk wasn't too happy at all when he sprayed and it all bounced right back
at him! And inside that little plastic 'tent' too. Kinda like lettin one go
while you're in an elevator ;-)
We still couldn't figure out how to dispose of the little stinker before the
social worker was due to arrive, so we just had to leave him up there all snuggled
up inside his little plastic tent for a day. We had our visit with the social
worker, fed her some good home made coffee cake, was miserably interrogated
with a lot of senseless prying questions and sighed in relief when she left,
taking the rest of the coffee cake with her...
That next morning I walked up the field to the skunk and at least found him
alive. Maybe not in too good shape or mood, but that's his own fault for sprayin
himself like that! And then I figured out a plan...
I came back down to the house and put on an old rain suit. Rubber boots &
gloves and hat to match. Grabbed a 100 foot of heavy string and walked back
up to the skunk. Lucky for me that Mama wasn't there to get a picture cause
I must have looked a sight...
I rolled back that plastic just enough to get to the door mechanism of the trap.
Luckily the door is solid metal cause that stupid skunk tried sprayin again...
I managed to tie the rope to the door and strung it through the top of the trap.
With the door unlatched, if the rope was pulled the door should open. Since
the door is now unlatched, I _run_ 100 foot away behind the trap and give that
rope a good yank... Don't see any skunk.... Still don't see any skunk.... So
I walk back over to the trap figurin for sure that little bugger would get me
this time. Nope, the door didn't open. Wrong angle on the string and I can't
figure out how to get it right without partially opening the door first....
So I sat there for a minute and then decided the best thing to do was have a
little conversation with the skunk. I explained to him why the trap was there
and that I never meant to catch him. Told him how sorry I was that he was stuck
there a whole day while we had to cater to the social worker. Then I explained
my plan to let him go. I told him I was going to lift up the door just a little
bit, then run back that 100 feet and pull the string to open it all the way
so he could get out. Asked him real nice to leave in _that_ direction so we
wouldn't have to worry about crossin paths... He seems agreeable and even calmed
down quite a bit. I figure he was either relieved to have someone to talk to
or just felt sorry for us about the social worker?
I set the plan into action, not entirely trusting that little skunk... Pried
open the door with a small stick, ran the 100 feet, pulled the string and waited
for the skunk... And waited for the skunk... And there he was! He cautiously
came out of the trap, stood up a bit and looked around. And I'd swear he gave
a little wave before he walked off in _that_ direction. And I gave a little
wave back and wished him luck. He was actually kinda cute once you got to know
him... But that poor trap and plastic table cloth had to stay out there in the
field for a year before you could get within 3 foot of them!
Oh, now I did start this out by mentioning two skunks, didn't I? What about
that second skunk? Well, she went back to her office and wrote up a whole bunch
of lies about us that we still haven't settled out to this day. I wonder which
skunk smells the worse???
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